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chrisrinSo, having Jess back at home is kinda odd. Esp. since we're both working. I am really happy she's home, I actually had no idea how happy until she came home from work today. But at the same time, things have changed for me. I think I have changed, and my relationship with her has changed.
We've been fighting, and we fall back into the odd familiar rut, and it irritates me b/c we've grown beyond the stupid little irritants we fight about. Like tonight, she has this dumb habit she has that drives me up the wall, and she knows it, and she knows she should stop. But she won't. So I berated her negatively for it, I do it b/c I want her to quit doing it, but when I think about it, I'm just contributing to her negative self-image. She prob wouldn't even do 'it' if she didn't feel insecure.
I am sorry Jessica.
I'm really trying to change my behavior. I am a mature person, really only around my sister do I revert to childish behavior as does she. But if you hadn't realized children are generally much crueler than adults. :(
The other thing I've been thinking about is leaving for college. I'm really excited to be going. But the reason for my excitement has also changed. Now I'm excited b/c I love the school, and my major etc.
But in the past, I was excited I was leaving b/c I would be leaving my family (esp Jess)like they had left me behind. Yeah, that's a pretty hateful reason to be excited right? I wanted Jess to miss me like I missed her these last two years. I wanted her to feel bad when I didn't call, and gave reasons (perhaps legit) why I couldn't come and spend time with her...
So, I'm feeling pretty small tonight. I don't feel like that anymore, but I understand why I felt that way.
I don't know, it's just odd to have Jess back at home. It feels like time is rushing past. I still live in the same house I lived in when I went to kindergarten. My stuffed animals are upstairs, our dolls and barbies are boxes in the toy room. Our favorite books as kids all sit upstairs (and all of our books were our favorites :) ). I can remember playing house with our cabbage patch dolls outside, I can remember playing gas station on our bikes, and I can remember playing barbies with my unwilling sister, who was five years older than me and didn't want to play with them anymore. I can remember how it took her at least an hour to actually begin playing b/c she had to arrange, comb, and braid her barbie's hair before we could start playing. I can remember watching her do homework and stealing her books so she couldn't do it. :) I can remember her prom and every other dance. I can remember all of her friends, b/c more often than not I was hanging around.
Now she's ancient-in her 20's. lol
We don't play school anymore, but she might be a teacher soon.
For as long as I can remember Jess said we would always keep in touch. We wouldn't be like our dad's family who barely talk to each other. We would be together when we were old and wrinkled and if we had to we would die on the same day-to keep each other company doncha know.
It seems like we're closer than ever, but more distant at the same time.
Life moves on, I don't play with dolls anymore, Jess is in college-I soon will be. Dad and Jess here. Me gone. Mom there. We aren't a family anymore.
We've been fighting, and we fall back into the odd familiar rut, and it irritates me b/c we've grown beyond the stupid little irritants we fight about. Like tonight, she has this dumb habit she has that drives me up the wall, and she knows it, and she knows she should stop. But she won't. So I berated her negatively for it, I do it b/c I want her to quit doing it, but when I think about it, I'm just contributing to her negative self-image. She prob wouldn't even do 'it' if she didn't feel insecure.
I am sorry Jessica.
I'm really trying to change my behavior. I am a mature person, really only around my sister do I revert to childish behavior as does she. But if you hadn't realized children are generally much crueler than adults. :(
The other thing I've been thinking about is leaving for college. I'm really excited to be going. But the reason for my excitement has also changed. Now I'm excited b/c I love the school, and my major etc.
But in the past, I was excited I was leaving b/c I would be leaving my family (esp Jess)like they had left me behind. Yeah, that's a pretty hateful reason to be excited right? I wanted Jess to miss me like I missed her these last two years. I wanted her to feel bad when I didn't call, and gave reasons (perhaps legit) why I couldn't come and spend time with her...
So, I'm feeling pretty small tonight. I don't feel like that anymore, but I understand why I felt that way.
I don't know, it's just odd to have Jess back at home. It feels like time is rushing past. I still live in the same house I lived in when I went to kindergarten. My stuffed animals are upstairs, our dolls and barbies are boxes in the toy room. Our favorite books as kids all sit upstairs (and all of our books were our favorites :) ). I can remember playing house with our cabbage patch dolls outside, I can remember playing gas station on our bikes, and I can remember playing barbies with my unwilling sister, who was five years older than me and didn't want to play with them anymore. I can remember how it took her at least an hour to actually begin playing b/c she had to arrange, comb, and braid her barbie's hair before we could start playing. I can remember watching her do homework and stealing her books so she couldn't do it. :) I can remember her prom and every other dance. I can remember all of her friends, b/c more often than not I was hanging around.
Now she's ancient-in her 20's. lol
We don't play school anymore, but she might be a teacher soon.
For as long as I can remember Jess said we would always keep in touch. We wouldn't be like our dad's family who barely talk to each other. We would be together when we were old and wrinkled and if we had to we would die on the same day-to keep each other company doncha know.
It seems like we're closer than ever, but more distant at the same time.
Life moves on, I don't play with dolls anymore, Jess is in college-I soon will be. Dad and Jess here. Me gone. Mom there. We aren't a family anymore.
